my personal message

So back in May [or whenever it was... honestly my judgement of time is all muddled from this summer semester] I signed up for the Trust 30 writing prompts inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self-Reliance. When I signed up I knew I wouldn't have much time to dedicate to this project because of school. But I love writing and I already participate in quite a bit of self-reflection. It's just never been prompted before. I thought it might be fun. I saved all of the prompts for the day I'd finally have some time to answer them. Well, I guess I started today. I woke up early this morning and answered about 3 of them. I might not be able to answer any more for another 2 weeks, or I might do some more tomorrow-- who knows.

This is the one I'd like to share today.

Your Personal Message (by Eric Handler)

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

   Eliminate negative thoughts and emotions; don’t contribute to the cruelty of the world; every confused, angry, hurtful, negative thought fuels the ill feelings surrounding us; in order to stop negative emotions globally we must first stop them personally.

   Practice mindfulness; become aware of even the quietest stirrings in your being and in the earth; become one with the earth—learn to cultivate food, and honor and protect nature; be honest in all thoughts, even the “scary” ones you “shouldn’t” think about—especially those; practice love; above all else, practice acceptance for the things that can’t be changed.

reading to recover

I've been in bed all day long because I caught a cold, or something. It's terrible. I don't remember the last time I was sick. Really, it's been years. I had forgotten that my body aches when I'm sick, I get a nasty taste in my mouth, I can't hardly do anything because my balloonish head starts to swim, I get cold then hot, and I suffer bouts of "mindlessness" where my thoughts just sort of drift away to somewhere, thinking about something, and have nothing to do with what's happening that moment. It's sort of annoying.
This is bad timing for me to get sick. I'm on the final leg of my summer semester, 3 weeks to go. Needless to say I have a mountain on homework. I'm glad I worked hard yesterday because I won't be able to accomplish what I had planned for today. Oh well, I'll survive. I'd rather take a day to get better instead of pushing myself and prolonging my recovery. I did manage to do some homework this morning, so that feels good on my conscious. What doesn't feel good on my conscious are the 7 daunting tests I need to take in the next 2 weeks. What the hell, right? BUT! I can see the finish line. That also feels good on my conscious.
I think for the rest of the day I'll indulge in some leisurely reading. The really cool thing about that is I have a huge selection to pick from right now! So I can switch genres if my sickly mind wanders too much. I'm usually always reading more than one book at a time-- currently I'm reading 5. Half of them are graphic novels/manga I've been following. Then I have some poetry, fiction, and books on meditation and yoga. In fact, I really need to get reading because I'm borrowing a ton of books from my friend. She feeds my addiction to written works, haha. I love having a former Lit major as a best friend; conversations never run dry with her!

what i'm working with

It's times like this I'm very, very grateful for the friends in my life. Although I can't physically be with them while I'm sick I know they're with me in spirit. Her loving willingness to let me borrow however many books whenever I please eases the loneliness I feel from living across town from her and our intimate circle of friends. The love of books we share creates a support system that flourishes even when we don't talk for a few days (like right now for example; my dear friend is occupying herself in the Appalachians. Lucky girl!). Sharing and discussing books provide little windows to our souls and helps us stay connected. I'm so thankful I have someone in my life to share this bond with. It's something that has been inside of me since I was a small child and my book-wormish father taught me the wonder of words.
So on this day of utter solitude and ill-health I'll extend my gratitude of magnificent friendships and the bonds in life that are unbreakable. It's a wonderful thing to focus our daily thoughts and actions on a central idea, such as gratitude. Even if you can't express it directly to the person in your heart, the thoughts you release into the universe find their intended target. And for me, that's comforting.

I love bunnies!

Bun love

chomping fresh herbs

broccoli assassin

furry lump of love!

these furry babies are not mine.
i wish they were!
these cuties belong to my best friend,
so i've had plenty of time to spoil them rotten when we're all lounging about.
they love green stuff, so obviously, i love feeding them greens picked fresh from the garden.
there is nothing cuter than a bunny's mouth chomping on over-drive to get ALL of the green goodness!
most of the time they lounge in their magnificent bunny-castle.
but if it's quiet they get adventurous.
like when we're practicing yoga, or quietly reading...
all of a sudden they come sniffing around to see what you're doing.
it's so cute.
especially if you're lucky enough to get bunny licks.
or have one prop itself up on you with their tiny, stubby, furry front paws.
i've even woken up to bunnies on my tummy and chest while i nap on the couch.
no joke. it's absolutely the most adorable experience in the world.
i really love being able to interact with bunnies.
they are so different from cats and dogs.
not quite as social or demanding,
but definitely still able to give that warm fuzzy feeling!
being natural herbivores, bunnies bring me back to the earth whenever i feed them.
they can't survive off of manufactured goods.
neither can we.
they need fresh greens and sun.
so do we.
animals and humans have such a beautiful relationship
and i think caring for bunnies brings out our most tender and nurturing qualities.
so, revel in the glorious cuteness that is the bun-love!
i hope these pictures pushed some cute-buttons
because these bunnies are the cutest part of my indoor/homework ridden summer.

ineffable

in my composition class this semester every paper is riddled with personal experiences. this was so hard for me to wrap my head around; why did i have to talk about myself? i just wanted to talk about the obvious at-hand course material. why, why, why me? me? really? as if anyone wants to hear about my life...

but, alas, this is a good thing. it's forced me to be honest with myself. now the honesty in my papers is momentous. for the paper i'm currently writing, i'm having to relive my parents' divorce that happened 12 years ago. wow, 12 years...

i've realized most of my childhood is blocked from my own memory. i've realized the long, hard, unfair path i've had to tread while i try to figure out how i can reassemble even a tiny semblance of the family i once had. i've come to realize that will never happen. never, ever. i just have to take what i have and run with it. run hard and fast and try to hoist the kite into the clouds... make the best of what i have, right? a torn family is better than no family.

but having to relive the divorce and put it into A-worthy words is heartbreaking. choking. tearjerking. really, i've cried writing this paper. i've never had to relate the steps i've taken or feelings i've experienced to realize acceptance of all that has happened in my splintered family. my parents don't know, my brothers don't know, my friends don't know, not even my boyfriend knows. Hell, I didn't even know until i began this assignment. but by god my writing professor will know!

so maybe no one wants to hear about my life, but i've discovered that I want to hear about my life. raw and uncensored. the whole "block it out so life is easier to deal with" doesn't work. it's made my life harder. no more pushing half formed thoughts out of my head that i think are "scary" or things i "shouldn't" be thinking about. not to mention that completely blocks off the progression of my spirituality.  now i get to sift through my fragmented memories and see how i got here. and figure out where i want to go. the alienation i experienced during my parents’ divorce was overwhelming and inexpressible. ineffable. i no longer want to feel alienated by this. this is the first time in 12 years i've sat down to work some of that shit out of the depths of my head.

difficult. yet refreshing.

like a dark thunderstorm.

and then a rainbow.

A really neat yoga website

Today I'd like to share my newest online infatuation: Yoga Today. Over 200 1-hour long classes shot in gorgeous outdoor locations or an elegant studio. I didn't know the joy and surprise I was getting myself into when I signed up for the their free membership.


Signing up for a free membership means having access to a featured free class every week. (There are monthly/yearly membership options, too, but free works for me right now).  Every class has a theme, too, like turning fear into courage, practicing gratitude, or a focus on foundation and alignment (that was this week's free class). Another thing I like about the site is that ALL of the videos are about an hour long-- not a skimpy 30 minutes, or worse still 20 minutes. One hour of breathing and flowing, with expert guidance, in the comfort of my home. Free. It's perfect for when I can't make it to a class in town, or when I feel indecisive about what to do on any given day.

Source

The reason I like Yoga Today more than other sites that offer free yoga videos is because they really focus on more than just the physical asanas. In this week's class, pranayama was the major focus and the physical asanas took sort of a back seat because they were fairly simple. It was all about breath. And was just what I needed! I've been feeling sort of stuck in practice lately and I think it's because I haven't had much instruction on the different aspects of breath. Other teachers on other sites will just say "inhale up, exhale lower" but they leave out the reason behind the flow of breath. I practice yoga for more than just the physical aspects, so when I find a teacher that focuses only on that I become frustrated. I still have so much to learn about yoga and it sometimes gets scary trying to create my own practice that is balanced in my body as well as my mind and spirit. This is why we seek teachers. Yoga Today does a great job facilitating all aspects of yoga.


This is my third week doing the free videos and I have to say I'm really happy with the site. The teachers provide great instruction and teach with models, so you have options in different poses. The first week I practiced with a Yoga Today video my arms and shoulders were sore for days. That's what I'm talking about! But the one thing that really gets me feel giddy and giggly is that they practice outdoors. It's so serene and inspiring! The first time I did one of their videos they practiced in front of the Grand Tetons! I used to see those mountains all the time; I miss seeing those mountains every day of my life, so it was a very welcome surprise when I saw them towering in the background. 

Source

barefoot in the grass

Today marks the first official day of summer, and it's definitely hurricane season in Florida. That means awesome light shows in the sky throughout the summer! I love lightning storms. They can be scary! But I welcome the flashes of light that creep into my windows during those grim nights. There was an especially fantastic lightning storm last Wednesday. I stood in my backyard staring at the sky for a solid half hour. 
I tried to capture the spider-vein patterns of light on my phone's camcorder. It didn't turn out so well. Lucky for me I found Mr. Jason Weingart while I was looking for other lightning fanatics in Florida. Check out one of Weingart's videos of the lightning storm last week. That's really how it happened. It was non-stop; absolutely breathtaking!
My fervent attention was probably helped along by my belly fresh full of good food, feeling the enduring inner peace after an amazing yoga session, and because I was sipping my favorite tea. Regardless, I felt so happy and connected and wholesome.  Yes, standing barefoot in the grass, hair tumbling in the thrashing wind, staring at the pulsating sky made me feel natural, comfortable, at peace. The Divinity of the earth is stunning. It is perfect in its existence. I love the subtleties in nature that seem purely accidental but are inextricable. The cycles the earth falls into are serene and honest. Humans can't live without plants; plants can't live without water or sun; water falls from the sky; the sun follows the water and completes the balance of natural events.
I'm looking forward to the stunning displays of nature this summer has to offer. 

Source

Garden Center

It's summer! And a great time to start and enjoy the beauty of a garden. Isn't it just adorable to see little buds and new sprigs popping out all the time? I love it. Plants definitely have a special place in my heart.
I'm lucky enough to have small garden this summer, mostly herbs. It's a good thing, too, because it really comes in handy when I'm feeling a little stressed or out of sorts. It grounds me. It puts life in perspective. My plants motivate me toward the life I'm trying to live, and they remind me of everything I treasure on this planet. Seeing a plant grow and change, and being able to help that process, reminds me where I fit on this earth. It reminds me of the processes the natural world goes through, and ultimately, its beauty in duality. The balance is superb, nearly ineffable. It's Divine.
Those are the sort of things I think about when I'm in my garden. The past couple of weeks have been very hectic in my little world. I've been spending more and more time musing in my garden lately. I thought I would share my little bit of bliss.
Hmm... where to begin...?

Clary Sage

This is my clary sage. The big velvety leaves remind me of bunny ears; so cute! This guy smells really good, and he's super fuzzy! Check out the close up...

Ultimate Fluff

At the moment, this guy is around more for aesthetics than anything else. I'm fairly certain it's pot bound, since it hasn't grown too much in the past few months. I just don't have anywhere big enough to put him. So I just trim it when it needs it and water it. It still produces new leaves, but I'm not sure how to work with sage. I'm figuring it out!

Here we have little onion chives. I love how they spike straight up into the air with such thin little leaves. True strength.

My gentle onion chives

I'm actually quite amazed at the comeback the chives have made in the past year. When I first started gardening, chives were some of my first guinea pigs. Lets just say I was a less than nurturing mother. I don't even want to think about how long it went without getting watered (months, probably). Then one day I started thinking, "Wow, that guy is still sort of green... I bet I could bring him back." So I started watering him and gave him more light, and he's more than quadrupled in size! He tastes good on salads. And I've since become much more attentive to the plants, I promise!

Calendulas; my only flowers at the moment. Look how cute they are. There's no way seeing them couldn't cheer me up.

Mini sun rays

Apparently, dried calendula flowers can be used for medicinal purposes. I haven't tried it yet, however, because I'm a bit uncertain about what variety these are. The medicinal calendulas are a specific variety, otherwise they are just marigolds.

My field of flowers

These are lemon balm seedlings, and one of the two youngest plants I have. I actually need to repot them soon, so they can start spreading and bulking up. Dried lemon balm leaves add an incredible flavor to tea! 

I love lemon fragrance

I'm really proud of these because it took me two seasons to finally get the seeds to germinate and sprout! Now I have four or five little sprouts. Sweet!

No herb garden would be complete without basil. I put fresh leaves in nearly everything! My favorite is home-made bruschetta, mmm mmm!

My favorite smell! I wish my house smelled like basil.

Right now I have about 20 small basil plants in one pot. This is how it happened: When my first, and very large, basil plant matured and started to flower, I let it go nuts. Bumblebees and honeybees LOVE basil flowers, so I thought it might be nice to give them lots of pollen and nectar to stuff their cute faces in. The flowers attracted the bees, the bees did their thing, and all of my flowers went to seed. At the time, that large, flowering basil plant was in my boyfriend's garden. Everything was in containers because the soil at his old house was pitiful. So we had all these different plants in pots, and once my basil started seeding, the seeds went everywhere! Plants are really phenomenal at spreading their seeds and starting new life. There was an onion plant close to the flowering basil and it became covered with little basil leaves. I wish I had taken a picture then, because it was one of the most adorable things I've seen. The onion was ready to harvest, and when my boyfriend pulled it up he left the basil sprouts in there. Now the little guys, although lanky, are about 4-5 inches tall and since there are so many I literally have a basil bush. It rocks.

As much as I love my basil, I think I love my oregano even more. Oregano has been one of my favorite flavors since I was a little kid. I don't know many kids that go nuts over oregano, but I did, and still do. 

I love the leaf formation. Adorable!

Again, I put this in nearly everything I make. Sauteed veggies and couscous with fresh oregano makes me feel like I'm in heaven. I can use as much as I want, too; the more I take some for cooking, the more new leaves it pops out. The oregano grows pretty low and close to the soil, but as you can see he's spilling over the sides of the pot. It's wonderful. I hug him almost every day (I hug most of the plants every day actually....)

Not an herb: BLUEBERRIES! Oh, the joy I felt when my friend handed this guy over to me two summers ago. Blueberries have been my favorite since I was little, too. I remember my dad making me blueberry waffles when I was a kid. I'd eat two, just for the double dose of blueberries.

Almost ready to eat!

Too bad I almost killed this guy, too! It wasn't out of neglect, like with the chives, it was out of sheer ignorance to what blueberries like to grow in. They like very acidic soil. I had no idea when I first got him. When his leaves started to get floppy and soft, and turn a sickly reddish-pink color, I had my boyfriend help me with him. My boyfriend has two magical green thumbs. Really, the man can grow anything! So he did some research and fixed this little guy up in a matter of a few weeks. Now I know what to do if the soil pH is off, and I have the right kind of food for acidic plants; he's much happier now.

A gardener's snack

I pick the blueberries off and eat them as they get ready. Most don't ever make it inside the house! It's a competition between the birds and myself, to see who can get the most ripe berries first. I usually win.

The last of my little herbs is one of the newest, planted around the same time as my lemon balm. This guy we like to call lavender.

Baby lavender

It looks a lot like rosemary or thyme, but one sniff will tell you otherwise. I used to have two, but one didn't make it. This guy is doing really well, though. Every day he looks a little bigger. I can't wait until it flowers! I'm still figuring out how much sun it likes. I'm being really cautious because I don't want him to get scorched. That happens a lot in the middle of the summer in Florida; the sun is so powerful and hot it tends to hurt gardens quite a bit.

My little set-up is on a table in the back patio, mostly covered by the house. The plants get a couple of hours of direct sun during the day, but most of the time it's indirect. This works for me, because I'm usually gone during the days and weekends. If they were in full sun all day they would dry and fry... no good.

A garden is something I hope to have for the rest of my life. Especially an herb garden. I love the variety of flavors, shapes, colors and flowers. Plus their infinite uses; from medicinal, to culinary, aesthetic, teas, tonics, baths... Yes, herbs are wonderful!