13 July 2011

reading to recover

I've been in bed all day long because I caught a cold, or something. It's terrible. I don't remember the last time I was sick. Really, it's been years. I had forgotten that my body aches when I'm sick, I get a nasty taste in my mouth, I can't hardly do anything because my balloonish head starts to swim, I get cold then hot, and I suffer bouts of "mindlessness" where my thoughts just sort of drift away to somewhere, thinking about something, and have nothing to do with what's happening that moment. It's sort of annoying.
This is bad timing for me to get sick. I'm on the final leg of my summer semester, 3 weeks to go. Needless to say I have a mountain on homework. I'm glad I worked hard yesterday because I won't be able to accomplish what I had planned for today. Oh well, I'll survive. I'd rather take a day to get better instead of pushing myself and prolonging my recovery. I did manage to do some homework this morning, so that feels good on my conscious. What doesn't feel good on my conscious are the 7 daunting tests I need to take in the next 2 weeks. What the hell, right? BUT! I can see the finish line. That also feels good on my conscious.
I think for the rest of the day I'll indulge in some leisurely reading. The really cool thing about that is I have a huge selection to pick from right now! So I can switch genres if my sickly mind wanders too much. I'm usually always reading more than one book at a time-- currently I'm reading 5. Half of them are graphic novels/manga I've been following. Then I have some poetry, fiction, and books on meditation and yoga. In fact, I really need to get reading because I'm borrowing a ton of books from my friend. She feeds my addiction to written works, haha. I love having a former Lit major as a best friend; conversations never run dry with her!
what i'm working with
It's times like this I'm very, very grateful for the friends in my life. Although I can't physically be with them while I'm sick I know they're with me in spirit. Her loving willingness to let me borrow however many books whenever I please eases the loneliness I feel from living across town from her and our intimate circle of friends. The love of books we share creates a support system that flourishes even when we don't talk for a few days (like right now for example; my dear friend is occupying herself in the Appalachians. Lucky girl!). Sharing and discussing books provide little windows to our souls and helps us stay connected. I'm so thankful I have someone in my life to share this bond with. It's something that has been inside of me since I was a small child and my book-wormish father taught me the wonder of words.
So on this day of utter solitude and ill-health I'll extend my gratitude of magnificent friendships and the bonds in life that are unbreakable. It's a wonderful thing to focus our daily thoughts and actions on a central idea, such as gratitude. Even if you can't express it directly to the person in your heart, the thoughts you release into the universe find their intended target. And for me, that's comforting.
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3 comments:

  1. gorilla_July 27, 2011 at 10:49 AM

    Aw, wow! I totally beamed and blushed while reading this. You are too sweet and I am absolutely honored to be your friend, you have no idea. I remember when I met you "I want this girl to be in my life! I WILL MAKE HER MY BUDDY!" bahaha. I was so committed to getting to know you and I think it's because I felt like we would've grown well together. There are some people who bring total spirituality into your life without trying to. Even when we may experience bad moods, whenever you're around I feel uplifted and okay. I could be flaming angry, but knowing that you are out there and we share a great love brings me to center every time, and gently pushes me back into happiness. I owe a great chunk of my stability to you. You've encouraged many facets of my life that I may've struggled with, while everyone else told me to give up or "that's lame" or whatever statements they may have had that were never life-affirming. Beauty comes from within and spreads out. I can share things with you because you honor such a concept. I can be myself with you and relax. We share things because we are not afraid of what we are uncomfortable with - those who can step out of their boundaries or safety nets have no need to criticize another :)

    I am very grateful you enjoy our conversations & I totally put loving energy out toward you every day. Even if there are no words spoken, the river of joy has a consistent flow. You can rock this school thing, 100%. You can do anything and you already have accomplished shitloads. Be proud of your intense drive and hard work. Not many people will ever know the true satisfaction that you have already become comfortable with! These successes, failures, and goals are necessary and enlightening. You rock.

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  2. ClarissaOMJuly 27, 2011 at 3:50 PM

    Oh, how I wish I had even a fraction of your articulation! [I'm working on it ;)]
    You've been able to read me like NO ONE else in my life has. I'm terribly glad you pursued your instinct to make me your buddy despite my flighty tendencies when we first met. This has truly been the most rewarding and enjoyable friendship of my life. Your beauty and spirituality have been the most driving motivators for me to find my own. I love beyond words. You are my soul sister <3

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  3. gorilla_July 27, 2011 at 5:00 PM

    Haha, I feel hardly articulate. I had to battle some bad habits, as I grew up in fabled Ocoee. Sigh!
    You were not flighty - all women are apprehensive of other women - and they SHOULD be! Bitches ain't shit. You are incredible and I am happy to have come so far in life with you! Thank you for your kind words. I love watching you grow and conquer, you truly kick more ass than you ever get credit for. <3 u cutie pie

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