beyond the tops of trees: a milestone

Today is my beautiful mother's 50th birthday. She makes it look so good. I'm so thankful that my mom has been blessed with 50 years of excellent health because it means she'll have many, many more years to enjoy with her family and the earth.

She's lived in the United States for 25 years now, and she's never been to New York. So that was her birthday present. I dropped her off early at the airport this morning. We celebrated her birthday last night as a family, since she left so early today. It was really nice to relax with her and we had our dinner outside with a glass of pino grigio. 

My family has always shared in sky gazing. We're fascinated by the colors of the sky and shapes of the clouds. Last night, on the eve of my mom's 50th birthday, she, my brother, and myself took a few minutes to appreciate the beauty bestowed upon us in our backyard.

my favorite

I chose not to edit these photos. These are the colors and shapes that dominated overhead. As disconnected as I might feel from others at times, it's nice to be reminded of our interconnectedness in the small things. Such as the sheer admiration of the ever-changing sky.

I told my mom that the sky was especially beautiful that night for her. We were able to have a few moments together before her trip where we could just relax, be happy, and enjoy the present moment. Things like that make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

As if the spectacular sunset last night wasn't enough, the sky dazzled us again at sunrise when I dropped her off at MCO.

I caught Mr. Sun just as he was peeking over the horizon.

The day dawned bright as ever on my mother's milestone birthday. 

Happy birthday, mami. Thank you for the beauty, joy, and happiness you've given me. I love you!

blueberries

blueberries are my favorite! my little plant decided to put most of its efforts into vegetating some new growth so it's been a while since i've been able to pick the fruit. when it started to build fruit again i had to be extra patient to wait for them to mature. they finally did. and i finally got my snack on!

my personal message

So back in May [or whenever it was... honestly my judgement of time is all muddled from this summer semester] I signed up for the Trust 30 writing prompts inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self-Reliance. When I signed up I knew I wouldn't have much time to dedicate to this project because of school. But I love writing and I already participate in quite a bit of self-reflection. It's just never been prompted before. I thought it might be fun. I saved all of the prompts for the day I'd finally have some time to answer them. Well, I guess I started today. I woke up early this morning and answered about 3 of them. I might not be able to answer any more for another 2 weeks, or I might do some more tomorrow-- who knows.

This is the one I'd like to share today.

Your Personal Message (by Eric Handler)

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

   Eliminate negative thoughts and emotions; don’t contribute to the cruelty of the world; every confused, angry, hurtful, negative thought fuels the ill feelings surrounding us; in order to stop negative emotions globally we must first stop them personally.

   Practice mindfulness; become aware of even the quietest stirrings in your being and in the earth; become one with the earth—learn to cultivate food, and honor and protect nature; be honest in all thoughts, even the “scary” ones you “shouldn’t” think about—especially those; practice love; above all else, practice acceptance for the things that can’t be changed.

reading to recover

I've been in bed all day long because I caught a cold, or something. It's terrible. I don't remember the last time I was sick. Really, it's been years. I had forgotten that my body aches when I'm sick, I get a nasty taste in my mouth, I can't hardly do anything because my balloonish head starts to swim, I get cold then hot, and I suffer bouts of "mindlessness" where my thoughts just sort of drift away to somewhere, thinking about something, and have nothing to do with what's happening that moment. It's sort of annoying.
This is bad timing for me to get sick. I'm on the final leg of my summer semester, 3 weeks to go. Needless to say I have a mountain on homework. I'm glad I worked hard yesterday because I won't be able to accomplish what I had planned for today. Oh well, I'll survive. I'd rather take a day to get better instead of pushing myself and prolonging my recovery. I did manage to do some homework this morning, so that feels good on my conscious. What doesn't feel good on my conscious are the 7 daunting tests I need to take in the next 2 weeks. What the hell, right? BUT! I can see the finish line. That also feels good on my conscious.
I think for the rest of the day I'll indulge in some leisurely reading. The really cool thing about that is I have a huge selection to pick from right now! So I can switch genres if my sickly mind wanders too much. I'm usually always reading more than one book at a time-- currently I'm reading 5. Half of them are graphic novels/manga I've been following. Then I have some poetry, fiction, and books on meditation and yoga. In fact, I really need to get reading because I'm borrowing a ton of books from my friend. She feeds my addiction to written works, haha. I love having a former Lit major as a best friend; conversations never run dry with her!

what i'm working with

It's times like this I'm very, very grateful for the friends in my life. Although I can't physically be with them while I'm sick I know they're with me in spirit. Her loving willingness to let me borrow however many books whenever I please eases the loneliness I feel from living across town from her and our intimate circle of friends. The love of books we share creates a support system that flourishes even when we don't talk for a few days (like right now for example; my dear friend is occupying herself in the Appalachians. Lucky girl!). Sharing and discussing books provide little windows to our souls and helps us stay connected. I'm so thankful I have someone in my life to share this bond with. It's something that has been inside of me since I was a small child and my book-wormish father taught me the wonder of words.
So on this day of utter solitude and ill-health I'll extend my gratitude of magnificent friendships and the bonds in life that are unbreakable. It's a wonderful thing to focus our daily thoughts and actions on a central idea, such as gratitude. Even if you can't express it directly to the person in your heart, the thoughts you release into the universe find their intended target. And for me, that's comforting.

I love bunnies!

Bun love

chomping fresh herbs

broccoli assassin

furry lump of love!

these furry babies are not mine.
i wish they were!
these cuties belong to my best friend,
so i've had plenty of time to spoil them rotten when we're all lounging about.
they love green stuff, so obviously, i love feeding them greens picked fresh from the garden.
there is nothing cuter than a bunny's mouth chomping on over-drive to get ALL of the green goodness!
most of the time they lounge in their magnificent bunny-castle.
but if it's quiet they get adventurous.
like when we're practicing yoga, or quietly reading...
all of a sudden they come sniffing around to see what you're doing.
it's so cute.
especially if you're lucky enough to get bunny licks.
or have one prop itself up on you with their tiny, stubby, furry front paws.
i've even woken up to bunnies on my tummy and chest while i nap on the couch.
no joke. it's absolutely the most adorable experience in the world.
i really love being able to interact with bunnies.
they are so different from cats and dogs.
not quite as social or demanding,
but definitely still able to give that warm fuzzy feeling!
being natural herbivores, bunnies bring me back to the earth whenever i feed them.
they can't survive off of manufactured goods.
neither can we.
they need fresh greens and sun.
so do we.
animals and humans have such a beautiful relationship
and i think caring for bunnies brings out our most tender and nurturing qualities.
so, revel in the glorious cuteness that is the bun-love!
i hope these pictures pushed some cute-buttons
because these bunnies are the cutest part of my indoor/homework ridden summer.

ineffable

in my composition class this semester every paper is riddled with personal experiences. this was so hard for me to wrap my head around; why did i have to talk about myself? i just wanted to talk about the obvious at-hand course material. why, why, why me? me? really? as if anyone wants to hear about my life...

but, alas, this is a good thing. it's forced me to be honest with myself. now the honesty in my papers is momentous. for the paper i'm currently writing, i'm having to relive my parents' divorce that happened 12 years ago. wow, 12 years...

i've realized most of my childhood is blocked from my own memory. i've realized the long, hard, unfair path i've had to tread while i try to figure out how i can reassemble even a tiny semblance of the family i once had. i've come to realize that will never happen. never, ever. i just have to take what i have and run with it. run hard and fast and try to hoist the kite into the clouds... make the best of what i have, right? a torn family is better than no family.

but having to relive the divorce and put it into A-worthy words is heartbreaking. choking. tearjerking. really, i've cried writing this paper. i've never had to relate the steps i've taken or feelings i've experienced to realize acceptance of all that has happened in my splintered family. my parents don't know, my brothers don't know, my friends don't know, not even my boyfriend knows. Hell, I didn't even know until i began this assignment. but by god my writing professor will know!

so maybe no one wants to hear about my life, but i've discovered that I want to hear about my life. raw and uncensored. the whole "block it out so life is easier to deal with" doesn't work. it's made my life harder. no more pushing half formed thoughts out of my head that i think are "scary" or things i "shouldn't" be thinking about. not to mention that completely blocks off the progression of my spirituality.  now i get to sift through my fragmented memories and see how i got here. and figure out where i want to go. the alienation i experienced during my parents’ divorce was overwhelming and inexpressible. ineffable. i no longer want to feel alienated by this. this is the first time in 12 years i've sat down to work some of that shit out of the depths of my head.

difficult. yet refreshing.

like a dark thunderstorm.

and then a rainbow.

A really neat yoga website

Today I'd like to share my newest online infatuation: Yoga Today. Over 200 1-hour long classes shot in gorgeous outdoor locations or an elegant studio. I didn't know the joy and surprise I was getting myself into when I signed up for the their free membership.


Signing up for a free membership means having access to a featured free class every week. (There are monthly/yearly membership options, too, but free works for me right now).  Every class has a theme, too, like turning fear into courage, practicing gratitude, or a focus on foundation and alignment (that was this week's free class). Another thing I like about the site is that ALL of the videos are about an hour long-- not a skimpy 30 minutes, or worse still 20 minutes. One hour of breathing and flowing, with expert guidance, in the comfort of my home. Free. It's perfect for when I can't make it to a class in town, or when I feel indecisive about what to do on any given day.

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The reason I like Yoga Today more than other sites that offer free yoga videos is because they really focus on more than just the physical asanas. In this week's class, pranayama was the major focus and the physical asanas took sort of a back seat because they were fairly simple. It was all about breath. And was just what I needed! I've been feeling sort of stuck in practice lately and I think it's because I haven't had much instruction on the different aspects of breath. Other teachers on other sites will just say "inhale up, exhale lower" but they leave out the reason behind the flow of breath. I practice yoga for more than just the physical aspects, so when I find a teacher that focuses only on that I become frustrated. I still have so much to learn about yoga and it sometimes gets scary trying to create my own practice that is balanced in my body as well as my mind and spirit. This is why we seek teachers. Yoga Today does a great job facilitating all aspects of yoga.


This is my third week doing the free videos and I have to say I'm really happy with the site. The teachers provide great instruction and teach with models, so you have options in different poses. The first week I practiced with a Yoga Today video my arms and shoulders were sore for days. That's what I'm talking about! But the one thing that really gets me feel giddy and giggly is that they practice outdoors. It's so serene and inspiring! The first time I did one of their videos they practiced in front of the Grand Tetons! I used to see those mountains all the time; I miss seeing those mountains every day of my life, so it was a very welcome surprise when I saw them towering in the background. 

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