BRETTSDOTTER

I spent Father's Day with my dad. It seems like an obvious thing to do but this was big for me since I don't remember the last father's day I spent with him. I'm so happy that I had the opportunity to do so this year. I love my dad; he believes in me more than anyone in the world and he's one of the nicest, most funny guys I've ever met. We had a relaxed, lazy day. We browsed magazines, talked fitness and food, and exchanged funny stories. We also talked about some serious life topics.

Somehow I knew we'd talk about those things. I think maybe I've been especially tuned into the Universe lately, who knows. But for the past month or so I've been feeling like I needed to prepare for something. I felt like it was high time I kick it into high gear and get serious. What "it" was I didn't know until I talked to my dad on Sunday afternoon.

You see, my dad is a plotter. He taught me how to set goals and manage time and money from a very young age. He's always striving for the next, greatest thing in life, and he passed that on to me. Most recently, he's worked out a way to help me achieve one of my highest goals in the next year! I was floored when he told me what he's been thinking. He loaded me up with resources and ideas on Sunday and told me to start practicing my passion again, this time with the intention of never letting it wane again and only letting it grow. I don't know where I'd be without my dad. He's always there for me in the ways that matter the most. He's the greatest blessing in my life. And because of him I get to start the most exciting part of my journey faster than I thought!

Thoughtful Thursday [wk.12]

This quote is inspired by the birthdays of two people very dear to me: my father and my only niece. This weekend I'll be driving [almost] the entire width of Idaho celebrating with my loved ones. It's going to be crammed, it's going to be a little hectic, my bum might get a little sore, but I'm so happy I can be with my family! Einstein said it best:

"Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!"

~Albert Einstein

And rejoice I will! My family definitely lifts my spirits and makes me so grateful, every single day. I have to give them credit for keeping me as happy as I am!


My niece is the sweetest thing in the world. I'll come home from work to find pictures she drew and colored just for me! Drawings of tigers, lions, and jaguars; drawings of honey bees and butterflies; drawings of owls, and even dinosaurs with babies! I started putting them up on my wall and she was so happy and proud when she saw them up there! Her smile instantly makes me happy.

My niece and one of her quick drawings of the Count from Sesame Street.
(I showed her the censored Count video, hence the "beeep")

And where would I be without my dad?! I've been a daddy's girl for as long as I can remember. It's been hard these past few years being so far away from him and having to share our lives through phone calls and email. But this year I get to spend his birthday weekend with him! Maybe we'll go back out to Shoshone Falls and I can get some nice shots with my DSLR. Or maybe we'll just sit around chatting, eating veggie chips and watching movies. I don't really care what we do as long as I can share his birthday with him.

hurry spring! i want to plant flowers for my niece's birthday!

Every morning that I've woken up this winter, the sky outside at 6 a.m. has been pitch black. I would drive to work in the dark and at 6:30 a.m. I would flip my neon "OPEN" sign on; it would illuminate the cold ground in front of it and the reflection would bounce off the window into the dusky cafe. It would be at least an hour before the sun peeked over the mountains in the distance. I waited so anxiously for that every morning. 

This morning I was met with quite the surprise when I opened the door at 6 a.m. The air was lighter, not like the density that comes with the dark night. There was a hint of twilight; a faint peachy glow on the horizon. The sun! I could see hints of the sun at 6:15 a.m. this morning! Hallelujah!

[This morning was especially beautiful because of the moon. The dusty peach overtook the eastern horizon, and on the western edge the moon sat just above the horizon. Big, fat, and glowing orange against the navy sky. It was magical, I tell you!]

When the sun comes up, the rest of the world wakes with it. I no longer feel so alone in my corner coffee shop at that moment. And I can't describe my happiness over the fact that the days are getting longer! It means spring will be here soon and I can get my hands dirty with my brother, his wife and the kids. My niece has requested California poppies for her 8th birthday. And a Minecraft cake, haha.

my latest gripe

Congress has pissed me the hell off. I know, I know, Congress has a lot of problems. But this particular one struck a chord with me today. A deep, primal chord.

Click here and become outraged.

I read about 4 different articles this morning, all on the topic of how tomato paste on frozen pizza is counted as a serving of vegetables in public schools.

..........!

Okay... first of all, tomatoes are FRUITS. That's silly, considering the gravity of this proposal, but still a little, uhm, ignorant. Second of all, you need at least a half cup serving of anything for it to count as a serving! [the link above addresses this] Not 2 tablespoons of processed paste, ridden with sugar additives and sodium.  Really, how pathetic is that?! Third of all, I thought the goal was to make school lunches HEALTHIER, not bring them to a screeching halt!

We all know I'm a health nut. Nutrition is vital to a happy, healthy life. We wouldn't survive without food; eat REAL, WHOLESOME FOOD!! As adults, we know this. We've read enough, we've eaten enough junk to make us feel like shit, we've seen what can happen when diets lack essential nutrients. Kids have a different perspective entirely. They are vulnerable and 100% subject to the effects of negligence. IT'S NOT FAIR! It's cruel to dupe kids into believing that frozen, cheese pizza is healthy for them. What sort of adults is that mindset going to breed? I'm terrified.

Since I don't have kids of my own, I'm very protective over my nephews and niece. I told my nephews today how incredibly lucky they are to have a mother that makes them meals, from scratch, every single day. They get to snack on dehydrated apples and homemade fruit roll ups and apple sauce. Being home schooled, they're not forced to eat the processed, frozen, high sugar, high sodium foods that are pushed on public school kids.

This issue really, truly makes me very sad. Children are the light and future of this world. To see their needs and rights being bought out by Congress and Big Money lobbyists is cruel, terrifying, and rage inducing.

beyond the tops of trees: a milestone

Today is my beautiful mother's 50th birthday. She makes it look so good. I'm so thankful that my mom has been blessed with 50 years of excellent health because it means she'll have many, many more years to enjoy with her family and the earth.

She's lived in the United States for 25 years now, and she's never been to New York. So that was her birthday present. I dropped her off early at the airport this morning. We celebrated her birthday last night as a family, since she left so early today. It was really nice to relax with her and we had our dinner outside with a glass of pino grigio. 

My family has always shared in sky gazing. We're fascinated by the colors of the sky and shapes of the clouds. Last night, on the eve of my mom's 50th birthday, she, my brother, and myself took a few minutes to appreciate the beauty bestowed upon us in our backyard.

my favorite

I chose not to edit these photos. These are the colors and shapes that dominated overhead. As disconnected as I might feel from others at times, it's nice to be reminded of our interconnectedness in the small things. Such as the sheer admiration of the ever-changing sky.

I told my mom that the sky was especially beautiful that night for her. We were able to have a few moments together before her trip where we could just relax, be happy, and enjoy the present moment. Things like that make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

As if the spectacular sunset last night wasn't enough, the sky dazzled us again at sunrise when I dropped her off at MCO.

I caught Mr. Sun just as he was peeking over the horizon.

The day dawned bright as ever on my mother's milestone birthday. 

Happy birthday, mami. Thank you for the beauty, joy, and happiness you've given me. I love you!

ineffable

in my composition class this semester every paper is riddled with personal experiences. this was so hard for me to wrap my head around; why did i have to talk about myself? i just wanted to talk about the obvious at-hand course material. why, why, why me? me? really? as if anyone wants to hear about my life...

but, alas, this is a good thing. it's forced me to be honest with myself. now the honesty in my papers is momentous. for the paper i'm currently writing, i'm having to relive my parents' divorce that happened 12 years ago. wow, 12 years...

i've realized most of my childhood is blocked from my own memory. i've realized the long, hard, unfair path i've had to tread while i try to figure out how i can reassemble even a tiny semblance of the family i once had. i've come to realize that will never happen. never, ever. i just have to take what i have and run with it. run hard and fast and try to hoist the kite into the clouds... make the best of what i have, right? a torn family is better than no family.

but having to relive the divorce and put it into A-worthy words is heartbreaking. choking. tearjerking. really, i've cried writing this paper. i've never had to relate the steps i've taken or feelings i've experienced to realize acceptance of all that has happened in my splintered family. my parents don't know, my brothers don't know, my friends don't know, not even my boyfriend knows. Hell, I didn't even know until i began this assignment. but by god my writing professor will know!

so maybe no one wants to hear about my life, but i've discovered that I want to hear about my life. raw and uncensored. the whole "block it out so life is easier to deal with" doesn't work. it's made my life harder. no more pushing half formed thoughts out of my head that i think are "scary" or things i "shouldn't" be thinking about. not to mention that completely blocks off the progression of my spirituality.  now i get to sift through my fragmented memories and see how i got here. and figure out where i want to go. the alienation i experienced during my parents’ divorce was overwhelming and inexpressible. ineffable. i no longer want to feel alienated by this. this is the first time in 12 years i've sat down to work some of that shit out of the depths of my head.

difficult. yet refreshing.

like a dark thunderstorm.

and then a rainbow.