Thoughtful Thursday [wk.8]- BREAKING DOLDRUMS

I've been sad and slightly mad the past few weeks. I feel stuck and anxious to change it.

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This message has reached my ears several times in the past week. Just yesterday, my boyfriend said to me, "Don't let a time frame trip you out; life takes as long as life takes." And it's so true. Anything in life that's worth anything takes a long time to attain. Instant gratification never lasts that long, it's never very strong.

I had quite the day yesterday. To put it in a nutshell, my job is a joke and the lack of organization is driving me insane. Thus, change is needed. So I turned to my trusty ol' pops. He's my go-to person when I'm feeling like complete crap over my life. He's been around a while, he's dealt with his share of crap. We talked for 2 hours on the phone. Then I chatted with my oldest brother about my lifecrap when he got home from work.

My father and brother have been the biggest support and push to better myself throughout my entire life [and they've both had endless amounts of patience with me. Bless their souls]. It's wonderful because they have different points of view, so I don't feel like my family is a broken record [or like they're conspiring...]. I get the greatest feeling of hope after I talk to my father and brother when I'm in a rut. The advice they gave me: write more. Really, that's the conclusion they both came to! I thought it was pretty interesting that I could get different perspectives but the bottom-line message from both of them was the same. I should listen.

Both of them believe writing is my way out of this string of crappy jobs. [Deep down, I believe that, too.] The thing about writing [and why I don't do it as often as I should] is because of the amount of time it requires. I'm impatient, I want to see results quickly, I'm lazy. I have a gift I don't exercise. What a mess! So this comes full circle to Mr Emerson's advice about being patient. Only with patience can the most beautiful, worthwhile things be achieved. The secret to help you out when you're in the pits? Determine your goal and have patience. In my case I don't only need to have patience with the time it will take to make myself, I need to have patience with myself.

Wish me luck!

hurry spring! i want to plant flowers for my niece's birthday!

Every morning that I've woken up this winter, the sky outside at 6 a.m. has been pitch black. I would drive to work in the dark and at 6:30 a.m. I would flip my neon "OPEN" sign on; it would illuminate the cold ground in front of it and the reflection would bounce off the window into the dusky cafe. It would be at least an hour before the sun peeked over the mountains in the distance. I waited so anxiously for that every morning. 

This morning I was met with quite the surprise when I opened the door at 6 a.m. The air was lighter, not like the density that comes with the dark night. There was a hint of twilight; a faint peachy glow on the horizon. The sun! I could see hints of the sun at 6:15 a.m. this morning! Hallelujah!

[This morning was especially beautiful because of the moon. The dusty peach overtook the eastern horizon, and on the western edge the moon sat just above the horizon. Big, fat, and glowing orange against the navy sky. It was magical, I tell you!]

When the sun comes up, the rest of the world wakes with it. I no longer feel so alone in my corner coffee shop at that moment. And I can't describe my happiness over the fact that the days are getting longer! It means spring will be here soon and I can get my hands dirty with my brother, his wife and the kids. My niece has requested California poppies for her 8th birthday. And a Minecraft cake, haha.

A-Z

I found this on another blog and I thought it might be fun! If nothing else, it's a time killer as I'm sitting in an unbearably slow coffeehouse... 
A. Age: 23
B. Bed size: Twin, aka, too small
C. Chore that you hate: Vacuuming and cleaning the oven
D. Dogs: I like lap dogs, haha. French bulldogs, Boston terriers, pugs, mini pinschers, yorkies
E. Essential start to your day: A tall glass of ice water
F. Favourite colour: Green, blue, purple
G. Gold or Silver: White gold, because I like the look of silver but it tarnishes so fast sometimes! :(
H. Height: 5'7"ish
I. Instruments you play: I played the flute in junior high
J. Job title: Barista
K. Kids: None of my own
L. Live: Idaho Falls, Idaho
M. Mother’s name: Jeanette Lorena
N. Nicknames: Claudi, Cloudy [with a chance of meatballs], the Claudster, Clarissita
O. Overnight hospital stays: When I was born
P. Pet peeves: Oh, so many...
Q. Quote from a movie: Too difficult!
R. Right or left handed: Right handed
S. Siblings: 2 older brothers and a throng of step-siblings
T. Time you wake up: 5:30 a.m Monday-Friday. I really like to sleep in on the weekends
U. Underwear: Should be comfortable
V. Vegetable you hate: Olives
W. What makes you run late: Procrastination
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Teeth, feet
Y. Yummy food that you make: Baked goods
Z. Zoo animal: I try to avoid zoos. But I love big cats! Rawr!!

i'd rather not be at work.

the weather outside always catches me by surprise when i open the front door to go to work at 6 am. sometimes it's just cold, other times it's frigid and my windshield is frosty. sometimes, it's snowy. i don't like that. it means the roads are going to be extra slick and the lane-lines are hidden. i could check the weather online before i open the door, but frankly, i just don't do that.

today i woke up to snow. thankfully it was the thick, fluffy kind, it falls off easily so i didn't have to stand in the snow and scrape. i really hate that. the flurries are still falling, the sky is clouded; i think this will be the theme of the day. the lazy tone of my attitude isn't helped by the fact that i couldn't sleep from being nauseous last night. *sigh* when will i feel back to normal?

on days like this the ONLY THING I WANT TO DO is cuddle up with a hot drink and read. or, as of 4 days ago, watch Downton Abbey. if you have not checked this show out, DO SO IMMEDIATELY. the first season is on netflix and season 2 is on pbs.org until March 6th. you can easily watch both seasons before that time ;)

i hope the next 7 hours speed past!

Thoughtful Thursday [wk.7]- FROM DEBRIS

Today I'd like to share the lyrics to a song that I have loved since I first heard, about 3 years ago. The band was introduced to me by someone who was NOT GOOD in my life. We had a very volatile relationship and the pain was dragged out far too long before I finally had enough. Despite the dysfunction of that relationship, a few good things came from it. Namely, a couple of really badass bands. And a love for riding bikes.


Your feet upon the snow dear
i knew you could not believe it
there was no time to put shoes on
you were woken to alarms ring
you barely left your blankets
to see your neighbors house on fire

they were standing right beside it
it's difficult believing
when you can't tell what you're seeing.

from debris you and me could start something
from backseats behind the trees won't know one thing
from debris, you and me…

your feet upon the road dear
run between the houses
your arms were filled with water
without the hesitation
to know what your were doing
i think people can be perfect
when they do not think about it
i think people can be perfect

from debris you and me could start something
from backseats behind the trees we'll know thing
from debris you and me
staring at nothing
for hours and hours
run from the evening
run with the water
from debris, you and me...

you're not above it...
you're not below it...


-From the album Several Arrow Later by matt pond PA


This entire album is actually very dear to my heart. It's given me hope in the bleakest, most hopeless of situations. It just sort of reminds me that the most beautiful things can bloom from what, at the time, can seem like the most disheartening of situations.


So, have hope.

brief rundown

moving is hard.

settling in is harder.

i have to find my balance here.

I've been in Idaho for almost exactly 5 months. It feels shorter and longer than that at the same time.

In the past month my poor immune system has fallen prey to 4 different ailments: food poisoning, killer allergies, fever & cough, and pleurisy. Thus, I have not been able to practice yoga. Because I literally can't breathe. Sneezing, laughing and coughing all hurt, too.

but the sun still shines (metaphorically speaking anyway. it's been very overcast here lately). my family is amazing. my friends are THE BEST. for example, it's really cold in the coffee shop in the morning, so my friend let me borrow his bean-bag-heat-pad-thing. i pop it in the microwave, set it on my lap and it keeps me warm. it's also handy in the car when the windows are frosty.

i'm really loving body mods again. i got a new (very small) tattoo last month and i'm hoping to get new piercings next month.

i also need a second job. saving is hard with only one part time job. i'd still like to move out of idaho falls sometime this summer. do you know how hard it is to find a job in idaho falls? so stressful it makes me nauseous.

so. i'm 23. i spent the weekend of my birthday out of town with my friends that live in pocatello. then on monday, my bestie and i went downtown. she was sick on my actual birthday. once she was better we had ourselves a good time. probably too good of a time.

i made 48 strawberry cupcakes with homemade strawberry cream cheese frosting. they are to die for. even my brother likes them, and he doesn't like sweets! granted, he skips the frosting, but that's still a big step for him! i should probably stop baking when it's dark out; i could get some fantastic pictures with some natural light. next week i'm making snickerdoodles, at the request of my lovely niece. now i just have to find the ol' family recipe!

i don't want to do anything this weekend. except be lazy and sleep in. i haven't slept very well, and i'm still shaking the last bit of sickness i had. i think i'll have myself a date with Netflix and tea.

mellow

my birthday was last week.

it was pretty low key.

but i felt such love.

and such fun.

my brother and his wife bought me a set of heart-shaped cake and cupcake tins.

i'm going to make strawberry cupcakes with them tomorrow.

you know, for valentine's day.

i'll recruit my nephews and niece, they'll love it.

pictures to come later.

i'm hoping to start a new project.

i feel very mellow.