i'd rather not be at work.

the weather outside always catches me by surprise when i open the front door to go to work at 6 am. sometimes it's just cold, other times it's frigid and my windshield is frosty. sometimes, it's snowy. i don't like that. it means the roads are going to be extra slick and the lane-lines are hidden. i could check the weather online before i open the door, but frankly, i just don't do that.

today i woke up to snow. thankfully it was the thick, fluffy kind, it falls off easily so i didn't have to stand in the snow and scrape. i really hate that. the flurries are still falling, the sky is clouded; i think this will be the theme of the day. the lazy tone of my attitude isn't helped by the fact that i couldn't sleep from being nauseous last night. *sigh* when will i feel back to normal?

on days like this the ONLY THING I WANT TO DO is cuddle up with a hot drink and read. or, as of 4 days ago, watch Downton Abbey. if you have not checked this show out, DO SO IMMEDIATELY. the first season is on netflix and season 2 is on pbs.org until March 6th. you can easily watch both seasons before that time ;)

i hope the next 7 hours speed past!

Thoughtful Thursday [wk.7]- FROM DEBRIS

Today I'd like to share the lyrics to a song that I have loved since I first heard, about 3 years ago. The band was introduced to me by someone who was NOT GOOD in my life. We had a very volatile relationship and the pain was dragged out far too long before I finally had enough. Despite the dysfunction of that relationship, a few good things came from it. Namely, a couple of really badass bands. And a love for riding bikes.


Your feet upon the snow dear
i knew you could not believe it
there was no time to put shoes on
you were woken to alarms ring
you barely left your blankets
to see your neighbors house on fire

they were standing right beside it
it's difficult believing
when you can't tell what you're seeing.

from debris you and me could start something
from backseats behind the trees won't know one thing
from debris, you and me…

your feet upon the road dear
run between the houses
your arms were filled with water
without the hesitation
to know what your were doing
i think people can be perfect
when they do not think about it
i think people can be perfect

from debris you and me could start something
from backseats behind the trees we'll know thing
from debris you and me
staring at nothing
for hours and hours
run from the evening
run with the water
from debris, you and me...

you're not above it...
you're not below it...


-From the album Several Arrow Later by matt pond PA


This entire album is actually very dear to my heart. It's given me hope in the bleakest, most hopeless of situations. It just sort of reminds me that the most beautiful things can bloom from what, at the time, can seem like the most disheartening of situations.


So, have hope.

brief rundown

moving is hard.

settling in is harder.

i have to find my balance here.

I've been in Idaho for almost exactly 5 months. It feels shorter and longer than that at the same time.

In the past month my poor immune system has fallen prey to 4 different ailments: food poisoning, killer allergies, fever & cough, and pleurisy. Thus, I have not been able to practice yoga. Because I literally can't breathe. Sneezing, laughing and coughing all hurt, too.

but the sun still shines (metaphorically speaking anyway. it's been very overcast here lately). my family is amazing. my friends are THE BEST. for example, it's really cold in the coffee shop in the morning, so my friend let me borrow his bean-bag-heat-pad-thing. i pop it in the microwave, set it on my lap and it keeps me warm. it's also handy in the car when the windows are frosty.

i'm really loving body mods again. i got a new (very small) tattoo last month and i'm hoping to get new piercings next month.

i also need a second job. saving is hard with only one part time job. i'd still like to move out of idaho falls sometime this summer. do you know how hard it is to find a job in idaho falls? so stressful it makes me nauseous.

so. i'm 23. i spent the weekend of my birthday out of town with my friends that live in pocatello. then on monday, my bestie and i went downtown. she was sick on my actual birthday. once she was better we had ourselves a good time. probably too good of a time.

i made 48 strawberry cupcakes with homemade strawberry cream cheese frosting. they are to die for. even my brother likes them, and he doesn't like sweets! granted, he skips the frosting, but that's still a big step for him! i should probably stop baking when it's dark out; i could get some fantastic pictures with some natural light. next week i'm making snickerdoodles, at the request of my lovely niece. now i just have to find the ol' family recipe!

i don't want to do anything this weekend. except be lazy and sleep in. i haven't slept very well, and i'm still shaking the last bit of sickness i had. i think i'll have myself a date with Netflix and tea.

mellow

my birthday was last week.

it was pretty low key.

but i felt such love.

and such fun.

my brother and his wife bought me a set of heart-shaped cake and cupcake tins.

i'm going to make strawberry cupcakes with them tomorrow.

you know, for valentine's day.

i'll recruit my nephews and niece, they'll love it.

pictures to come later.

i'm hoping to start a new project.

i feel very mellow.

i can relate

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


-Pablo Neruda, sonnet XVII

bright.

cheers to having a new journal.

cheers to reorganizing and deep cleaning my room.

cheers to wine and whiskey sours with my girl friends.

cheers to weekends with old friends.

cheers to making new ones.

cheers to almond-coconut mochas first thing in the morning when I get to work

and the world is blanketed in white snow.

cheers to having the best older brother in the world.

cheers to january.

cheers to naps in the afternoon, because I wake up at 5 am Monday through Friday.

cheers to love.

cheers to cupcakes.

cheers to the music that hits my heart.

cheers.

Thoughtful Thursday [wk.6] - FATE

I've been thinking a lot about fate lately, and what it means when the Universe slaps you with something completely unexpected. 

I used to be a huge resister. If things didn't go my way I'd get angry and stubborn. Essentially, I'd shut the door on whatever new opportunity the Universe was trying to introduce me to. Eventually I began to wonder about all the things I might have been missing because of my resistance.

The past few months of my life have been nothing but unexpected turns and occurrences. I know I would have lost my mind from it all if I retained my resistant attitude. To survive the turmoil I was experiencing, I had to adjust my outlook. I'm much calmer, more accepting, aware, and pensive now.

 I started to ask myself,

"What is the Universe trying to tell me right now?"

I came across a quote by Joseph Campbell that reassured me. A lot. It's been stuck with me ever since I first read it a few months ago.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned,

so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Wise men know resistance is unproductive. Wise men know greater things are waiting for us in hidden, unexpected places.

I may not know exactly what the Universe is trying to communicate to me when things don't go my way, but I take it as an opportunity to reflect on my life and choices. If my plans fall through, I take it as an indicator that maybe, just maybe, that wasn't the best idea for me.

But when something blissfully beautiful, honest, and passionate introduces itself unexpectedly,

I run with it. I treasure it. I honor and respect it.