mellow

my birthday was last week.

it was pretty low key.

but i felt such love.

and such fun.

my brother and his wife bought me a set of heart-shaped cake and cupcake tins.

i'm going to make strawberry cupcakes with them tomorrow.

you know, for valentine's day.

i'll recruit my nephews and niece, they'll love it.

pictures to come later.

i'm hoping to start a new project.

i feel very mellow.

i can relate

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


-Pablo Neruda, sonnet XVII

bright.

cheers to having a new journal.

cheers to reorganizing and deep cleaning my room.

cheers to wine and whiskey sours with my girl friends.

cheers to weekends with old friends.

cheers to making new ones.

cheers to almond-coconut mochas first thing in the morning when I get to work

and the world is blanketed in white snow.

cheers to having the best older brother in the world.

cheers to january.

cheers to naps in the afternoon, because I wake up at 5 am Monday through Friday.

cheers to love.

cheers to cupcakes.

cheers to the music that hits my heart.

cheers.

Thoughtful Thursday [wk.6] - FATE

I've been thinking a lot about fate lately, and what it means when the Universe slaps you with something completely unexpected. 

I used to be a huge resister. If things didn't go my way I'd get angry and stubborn. Essentially, I'd shut the door on whatever new opportunity the Universe was trying to introduce me to. Eventually I began to wonder about all the things I might have been missing because of my resistance.

The past few months of my life have been nothing but unexpected turns and occurrences. I know I would have lost my mind from it all if I retained my resistant attitude. To survive the turmoil I was experiencing, I had to adjust my outlook. I'm much calmer, more accepting, aware, and pensive now.

 I started to ask myself,

"What is the Universe trying to tell me right now?"

I came across a quote by Joseph Campbell that reassured me. A lot. It's been stuck with me ever since I first read it a few months ago.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned,

so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Wise men know resistance is unproductive. Wise men know greater things are waiting for us in hidden, unexpected places.

I may not know exactly what the Universe is trying to communicate to me when things don't go my way, but I take it as an opportunity to reflect on my life and choices. If my plans fall through, I take it as an indicator that maybe, just maybe, that wasn't the best idea for me.

But when something blissfully beautiful, honest, and passionate introduces itself unexpectedly,

I run with it. I treasure it. I honor and respect it. 

sluggish.

My life has been very laidback lately. Lets face it, I don't have many obligations right now. No boyfriend, no school, and I just started a job last week. (It took me that long to get a job, not because of laziness, but because of health inspector/contractor issues the owner was having. We're solid now.)

Here's what I mean by laidback:

• I watched 4 seasons of a TV show in one week. Yeah. Mega-binge.
• Last time I did laundry, it took me 4 days to hang and fold my clothes.
• This past weekend, I made a pillow-bed and watched somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 movies.
• I've had a hint of a cold and consequently my asana practice has waned. Why? Because I can't breathe. I wake up at 3 in the morning coughing. So, I decided to work on my daily awareness and reactions, instead of postural progression. I'll jump back into the asanas when I'm ready; I always do.

I think you get the idea. I've been very carefree. But alas, the winter season has me in a frenzy. I'm starting to feel a form of pressure. I think I might still be adjusting to the way of life here. It's a lot colder, darker, and slower. I'm okay with all of those things, but after being in Florida for 3 years the change has affected me. For instance, I forgot how to feed myself. Shame on me! since I'm so nutrition concious. But really, I didn't know where to shop! I've figured it out now but there were a couple of weeks where I felt like immense crap.

Anyway, I always get a little anxious around this time of year. It's probably because I always want to start the new year with a BANG. I'm working on that. I have a few weeks left in 2011 to be as carefree as I want. I'll be taking classes again in January. And planning a move. And working. And transferring colleges. And [hopefully] starting a yoga certification program. Yes, big things are in store.

This is the last hurrah of laziness. 

Gratitude Post

This post is inspired by Thanksgiving [I'm a little late...] and my friend, Alisa. She's a total badass, dealing with more than I can imagine. We're very similar and I can always learn a lot from her. She posted on GRATITUDE last week, challenging her friends at the end to make their own gratitude list.

So I'm a little late with my list, but that's because last week was crazy! I spent time with friends visiting from out of town, I spent Thanksgiving with my dad, and I've been juggling getting ready for the spring semester and starting a new job. Yikes. But here is my gratitude list!

FAMILY: I'm incredibly blessed to have such an understanding and supportive family in Idaho. My oldest brother and dad have pulled me through more muck than I like to think about it. They know me; they know I mean well. I guess that's why they're there for me when I'm being a putz. Thanks!

FRIENDS: Moving back to Idaho was scary. I didn't know what to expect. Most of my old friends have moved on and that's good! Lucky for me, I still have the most badass, down to earth girls to spend my time with. We talk, we yoga, we meditate, we look at crystals, we play the didjeridu, we drink coffee and tea and they are always there for me! Not to mention my other friends that are out of town. I love them, too :)

BOOKS: I'll admit I haven't been reading too much. I'm working through 4 books, none of which are too heavy but very enthralling. Books are something I'll always be grateful for. When my parents were getting divorced, books kept me sane. They still do. I love to read.

EARTHLY BEAUTY: I'm talking landscapes, sunsets, birds, the sky and clouds. I love driving in Idaho. It's bare. Nothing compared to the concrete and tar jungle of Orlando. Here, the sky is wide open, the fields lead to the sky, and the rivers flow through the fields. I love the colors, the sound of the wind over rocks and in the grass. I don't even care that it's getting colder, I just want to be outside, all the time!

I could list more things, but these things are what drive me right now. They might be obvious things but expressing gratitude, especially during stressful times, makes everything much more bearable. There is always something to be grateful for. I mean, we're alive :)

Thoughtful Thursday [wk.5]

This week's "Thoughtful Thursday" is being brought to you on a Friday. Why? Because I temporarily lost my mind yesterday. It was nothing serious; I was just extremely flustered and set back, and stressed out, and enduring some physical discomfort. But! I'm happy to say that this morning my achey pains have subsided, I'm chilled out, and have a weekend to look forward to!

"Tension is who you think you should be.

Relaxation is who you are."
-Chinese Proverb

Relaaaax. I need to tell myself that this week. With college deadlines hanging over my head, opening a new coffee shop, and the holidays quickly approaching I definitely need to snub the tensed little voice in the back of my head. I should listen to the calm, steady, soothing beating of my heart. That seems to be the pattern in my life: stressed/tensed thoughts but a warm, calm, relaxed heart.

It's so easy to get caught up in the constant chatter of the inner monkey-mind. But how often do we take a moment to listen to the rhythm of the heart? Probably not that often. It's silly, because we can't live without the function of the heart, and yet we disregard its role, and potential, in life so often.

I've been trying to cultivate my sense of compassion, joy, and wonder in an effort to alter my perception of and effect on the world. And guess what... It's working! I'm meeting new people who openly tell me I'm having a positive effect in their life. And I think, "Yes! Good! Because life is beautiful and should be happy. Life is so good and all it takes is taking a step back to slow down a little bit and listen to your own truth." I believe that inner truth comes from the heart; not the head or thoughts.

A relaxed disposition is far more beneficial, more fun, more illuminating than a dull, tense one. You and the people in your life will take note if there is even the slightest shift.

So, even though this week is going to be mad, you can catch me with my feet propped up, a book in hand, and enjoying a cup of hot tea.

May you be happy :)