july gratitude

I feel inclined to write a gratitude list, since my last post was sad and stuff.

besides, it's been a while since i've done one of these.

-fresh water

-great books

-ginger peach tea

-wifi

-bookstores

-thunderstorms (we got one today, lightning included :] )

-this adorable kitten i've had the absolute pleasure of playing with lately

-my newfound appreciation for my little pony, thanks to my niece (no shame here- that show is cute!)

-the greenbelt

-personal progress

-my absolutely loving and devoted boyfriend

-sunshine, the sky, and white fluffy clouds

-the internet and the ease of accessibility of innumerable, valuable resources

-my parents

-music

-time with friends

-yummy fruits

-the yard game known as cornhole (it's not perverted, i promise)

-pillows and blankets

-the library

-helping people out where and when i can

-candles that smell nice

-knowing i have people i can count on when i need help

-the ruffling of skirts in the breeze

-life

tension

i'm torn about this post. i'm not entirely sure i want to post it...
i try very hard to only post positive, uplifting things on this blog.

it's a space for me to share my happiness; to muse over and blurt out whatever i want.

whatever i want.

so does that include things that aren't necessarily in flux with the majority of posts on this blog?

do i want to put what i've been feeling lately out there?

i don't know.

all i know is that June was stressful, no matter how hard i try to sugar-coat or disguise it.

it's been so stressful my back constantly aches;

my sleeping patterns are all f*cked up;

my digestion is a wreck.

i feel helpless; lonely; stuck-in-a-rut-ish.

the few stressors i have in my life have truly been tearing at my heart.
and i don't know what to do, or if there's even anything i can do.
it all just feels so out of my control...

so basically i feel like shit. and i don't want to tell the world.
but i just did.
did you hear that world? i feel like shit!
and it's okay to post that on an otherwise happy, feel-good blog.
because i'm human.
and not every day (or month) is god-damned rainbows and frolicking bunnies.